my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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