Nicole vs. Life
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
