I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
