I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
