Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize