I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
