Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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