I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That accounts for only three of the penises
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think my moral compass just broke
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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