My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
