This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
