i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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