I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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