I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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