i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize