i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
