OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
