There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
