im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
