why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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