Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
