Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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