Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize