Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
