cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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