Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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