Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
