he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
