I just pynch a tree in the face
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
