I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
