I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
