you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize