If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
