i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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