Umm I'm too high to move.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
