i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
