i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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