Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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