the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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