There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
