Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
