I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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