im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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