goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
