shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
