T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
