Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
