Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
