office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
