and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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