hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
