I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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