I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
