At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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