She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
