a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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