i just google imaged poop.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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