I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I want a musical about memes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
