I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
