Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
