My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
