I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
