just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
