Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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