i don't plan on having that self control this summer
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize