I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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