I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
