just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
