I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
