worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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