look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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